I went to a munch last night.
It was my second such event, the last being about nine months ago. A year ago, I had never heard of such a thing. In case you, too, do not know what a munch is, let me tell you.
A ‘munch’ is a gathering of kinky folks just like you.
A munch is a get-together in a public place (usually, though some can be more private) to mingle and chat just like regular people… because they are regular people.
If you have never gone to a munch, I recommend at least trying a couple different ones. I hear they can be quite different, and the experiences vary quite a bit. Some men report that they don’t have quite the same welcoming experiences as women (and I can imagine that). But speaking as a woman, going to a munch is a great way to meet kinky people in a non-threatening setting in a safe, public gathering.
Last year, after a brief fling with a vanilla guy who tried his best not to look scared when I told him about the things I fantasized about, I sought out some kinky support. At the bidding of fellow Redditors, I joined Fetlife with a barely-there profile to evade the creepers, and I scouted out the local events. There were at least three local groups within a 30-minute drive of my home, and one was scheduled for the following afternoon at a popular bar.
I walked into my first munch with my hands literally shaking. I had emailed the group leader before I arrived, to ask her to say hello, and she approached me immediately. My nerves were put to rest almost immediately because everyone looked so normal (what was I expecting?!) and no one creeped on me. In fact, after mentioning that I am a nurse, I was introduced to at least two other RNs in attendance, and I spend the evening chatting away to these like-minded women who were able to make me feel understood and accepted!
I walked into my second munch last night with excitement.
I have yet another failed vanilla relationship under my belt, but I have also gained something in this time; I understand more about my desires. After years of stifling my thoughts, of wondering what is wrong with me, I have come to believe that the sensory experiences I desire serve some purpose for me and in that way, they are not ‘dirty’ or ‘bad.’
With this sense of acceptance for my desires came isolation: What are the chances I will ever find someone to accept me and meet my needs? I have been depressed; I have spent a lot of time alone… So I walked into the munch last night looking for a lifeline. I needed a sense of hope.
Acceptance: a gift from my local munch
Yesterday, my kinky community welcomed me back. My nurse friend gave me hugs. I updated them and we chuckled about the difficulties of vanilla relationships. I told my friend there how confused and frustrated I felt when I tried to tell a guy I recently started seeing how to dominate me (‘Can you choke me a little?’ ‘Would you please just pin me down and fuck me?’ ‘Could you do it harder?’). I learned the term ‘topping from the bottom’ last night. Talking to my munch friends was exactly what I needed.
Everybody is weird.
The problem is that the vanilla guys I date think I am weird for the wrong reasons. Or they think my kink is hot, but only in a porno way.
They don’t have the same desires. In the rare instances the men I have dated have been willing to explore kink, they are either a. trying to please me and thus not Dominating, or b. they just want to act out porn scenes. In neither case do they have an understanding of Domination/submission or a similar fantasy.
I suppose I need to stop meeting men on eHarmony. ha ha ha *cough*